Call Me Mr.Flinstone I Can Make Your Bed Rock.

*DEEPER THOUGHTS*

I keep saying I’m not who I used to be, but I don’t even know who I was or am now. The more I think about it the more I notice that I only ever focused on the bad things about myself, never anything about myself that I liked. I’m not sure if I just had an incredibly poor self-image or if it’s because I just completely sucked at life. I don’t know if I’ve changed myself at all, or if I’ve just been focusing on the good more than the bad. I’m confused about a lot and I’m starting to like being alone, honestly I can tolerate being by myself now. I haven’t felt this good about myself in years, seriously, well I’m oretty sure I feel that good about myself… hah I have no clue. All I know is that I feel better than I felt before and even though I hurt a little sometimes I don’t think it’s uncommon, I can settle for being just another face in the crowd and I think I’d break under the pressure of being anything more, I’m more chill than ever.

*UPDATE*

My focus on school has never been stronger, I’m almost completely caught up in all of my classes after already missing so much school. I’m ahead in Lit. and Design, at normal pace with Geometry, and just a tad bit behind in Information Technology and Earth/Space. Concert Choir and Swimming don’t exactly have homework or anything at all so it’s kind of hard to get behind in those. I’m really happy with myself, there’s less stress when I just shut up and do the fucking work when it’s supposed to be done. Plus I told my aunt about the puppy situation, she said she’s do what she did with my mother when she was a kid. [[My mom wanted a bunny but my grandma said no, so my aunt told my mom she’d buy one for her if she was good that way my grandma wouldn’t be able to say no. Needless to say it worked.]] My mom wouldn’t get rid of a puppy, she doesn’t have the bitchiness to, all I have to do is get good grades. I think it’s something to work towards, something to make life worth living when everything goes to shit, a reason to be better.

Texted Cody again today, another reason to be fifty times happier than I’ve been. Not only did we text, but the silly bitch called me for advice, it’s like he never left at the moment… things are just picking up where they left off in August. Talking to him today made me really realize that relationship drama bullshit will always be there, he’s got his whole life figured out for the most part yet he can’t help falling for someone who isn’t his girlfriend… well ex-girlfriend now. What is it about losing your virginity that makes everything more dramatic and urgent? Who even knows…

So I’ve been thinking about that formspring.com thing that people annonomysly ask you questions on, and I might want one. I don’t know if anybody would ask anything, I don’t know if there’s anything you guys don’t know really. I don’t want to have one if it’s just going to sit there unused forever, meh, who knows what I’ll do. I don’t know if it completely matters either way.