I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams.

what i need to do, is not think. i just want to be done thinking and go off instinct which would be very hard to do because humans are dumb and we think about stupid things and have pointless emotions that do nothing but break us down mentally. I'm sure that if i were to go off instinct I'd be considered a whore and I'd be killing people left and right, but at least i wouldn't be confused about anything. people are just pissing me off too damn bad right now, and i know i have those people who are there for me and keep up with every situation I'm involved in and listen to every complaint I've ever had... and i love you guys. its just the other people, well just a couple other people. fuck whatever i suppose. I'm so sick of being lied to, i want the truth even if you think i cant handle it, I'm not singling out one person because this is aimed at everyone. id say to tell me what you guys think of me, but you wont because you're scared I'd kick your ass... i wouldn't by the way. plus if you did you'd say something annoyingly nice like blah blah you're a good person and i like talking to you and blah blah.

so i have a song stuck in my head now, by who you ask, fall out boy. i know most of you hate them but i do not hate them in the least bit, they're probably one of my favorite bands... they have a song for every mood I'm ever in and i can play then on repeat for days, weeks, or months. anyhow, the song is disloyal order of water buffaloes. it just made me think of how I'm kind of done with thinking of love and wondering if I'm ever going to fall into it for real.

"Fell outta bed, Butterfly bandage but don't worry. You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry. Put him in the back of a squad car, Restrain that man! He needs his head put through CAT scan! Hey editor, I'm undeniable. Hey doctor, I'm certifiable! I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine, What a match--I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet. So boycott love, Detox just to retox, And I'd promise you anything For another shot at life. imperfect boys with their perfect lives, Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy"

I'm not doing homework again tonight, i don't care about the outcome right now. I'm so tired, I've been so tired for days and i just need to sleep, I'm not going to talk tomorrow i don't think... i will but i really really need to get my voice back sometime soon. if i don't i will cry and it will be horrible. I'll shower tomorrow morning, if i go to bed early enough then I'll be able to wake up easier. anyhow i realized i changed my blog writing style, i used to go through my whole day and now its all just random thoughts that are effecting me at that moment. i guess it doesn't matter though, fuck I'm going bye bye.