my blog isnt safe anymore, it didnt hit me until a while ago. everyone i like knows i like them, everything i say can either be used towards or against me at any moment. my secrets are everywhere, everyone knows my flaws and problems. when zach figured out how worried i was about him by reading my blog i realized he read everything, that everyone read everything. i now have over 300 views, i felt good about that until tonight. when im worried i dont want the people im worried about to know. when im jealous i dont want the people im jealous of to know. when im freaking out i dont want the people im freaking out about to know. i didnt think anyone would read this, i thought id be alone in this and im not. not being alone should make me happy but it doesnt. im not saying dont read it, all im saying is i never knew i was putting myself out there like i am, now that i know it's going to be hard but im going to try. im sorry to anyone i hurt in the process, unless i hate you.
the second half of today. id gotten off first class and started watching t.v. when zach called and told me to get on first class so we could talk (its less awkward to talk on there). we talked about him worring and my blog, we talked about megan and him, we talked about who he liked and so on. while talking to zach ashton told me to call her so i did, me and her talked for a long time like we usually do talking about funny times and pointless things. her life wins the funny award. amir and i talked about pretty much the same things me and zach talked about, minus the megan thing.
i went downstairs and made pizza because i fucking rock, me and ashton kept talking about weird shit. i finished making pizza went upstairs and ate the whole thing while finding out megan and her boyfriend broke up. im happy for zach, but i honestly hate it. i want them to date for zachs happiness but i still like him. hrm, today really isnt unlike any other. so like every other time we talk zach ended the conversation when it got awkward by not replying (which annoys the shit out of me). me and chazz started talking, decided to be friends and not the enemies we've been since kindergarten. i told him the only reason i was a bitch to him in like the 3rd grade was because i probably liked him or something and did the boyish way to flirt (ive always been more of a guy when it comes to my personality ive been told). he asked why it was past tense so i asked what it should be, his reply was idk. annoying-ness. so later in the conversation we got to him telling me he thinks he likes me... i was honestly in shock. it was so confusing. we talked more and then it got to a "i should go to sleep but i want to keep talking to you" moment on his end. nobodies said that to me in a long time, as far as i know i dont like chazz, i dont know him as a friend yet i cant imagine knowing him as anything more at this point, i suppose that could change though. who knows. so then i started watching tenacious d and writing this.
vikky, dogs dont meow and they're not farm animals. jamie, youre not going to breed a herding cat someday you liar! ha ha ha, love you both ladies.
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