if i could shoot you all i would.

i took a shower and went to my uncles house. it was my cousin's birthday, you guys should know that already though. there were too many bugs outside so i went inside, watched adventureland, and hid from my family. i watched the cat puke at least four times and ate some pizza. i refused to go outside and be with them and if one of them tried to get me out there id throw some sort of fit so they wouldnt want me out there. my mom was the only one who understood, after a while she came in, sat, and watched the movie with me. i'll never know how the movie ended. we went outside for cake and stuff, after i went back inside. the bugs went away after a while so i went back out and hung with my mom, i stubbed my toe or something because it was bleeding, i stepped on something too because theres a hunk of skin missing on the bottom of my foot. i went inside and put shit on it. i went back outside, my mom was leaving, she took my phone to get it fixed. she talked to me about school, my grandmother chimed in like the know it all bitch she is. i walked away and went inside, cried a bit, then decided it wasnt worth it and went outside to swing.

as i was walking out my aunt was walking in. i was still pissed at her for calling me fat, we had a long talk while she was on the toilet about how she didnt say that and that my cousin just said i was tall (we've always fought over who was taller). i believe her, my mom always said my grandmother was evil, i believe her. i cried a bit more. went outside, hung out a bit, played some basketball alone. my grandpa was playing guitar, most annoying thing ever.

we left, on the ride home my grandpa was dissing mexicans and their driving, i said it was inappropriate, he said it was true, i said it was stereotypical, he said it was true. i said okay then all black people must have guns and shoot people then too, he said yes. i told him i was black and that i handt shot him yet, he said id hope not. in my mind i said fuck i wish i could shoot this raciest fuckass. i went straight to my room.

i started writing a blog, about how i want to be alone. how i dont want friends or family, how i dont want to hear about the good, bad, and average things in peoples lives. about how if i could shoot you all i would, but i cried instead, deleted it, and wrote this. as of right now im sick of life, i wont kill myself, but i wish i had the guts to do it.