can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face.

* “I’ve been thinking a lot” never sounded so amazing.*

I’ve been thinking a lot, and I realized after saying I’ve changed so much even though I hadn’t, I’ve changed a bit. Really it’s only in the sense that this whole you-hurt-me-and-i-trusted-you-how-could-i-let-you-do-this-to-me-again thing is getting easier. I still get upset about things but it’s nothing compared to the mess I once was. It just seems like I’ve filled every bad memory in with something amazing no matter how little it seems. Every time I was ever hurt by some douche or fucked over by my mom just kind of disappeared, I remember, it’s just so much easier for me to forget than it was. It feels like every time I lose someone I really care about I meet two new people who matter to me four times as much. I’m not looking, I’m not the looking type, but I’m definitely finding more than I thought I would. I guess I’ve just learned to accept life more than I’ve accepted it before.

* “That’s Ballgame.”*

There’s a pattern, I think I noticed before but I never cared enough to care. Summer is my time to be single and happy but partially annoyed that I’m single. Fall is my time to fall a bit too hard a bit too fast and not think about whether or not anyone will catch me. Winter is my time when I’m crushed and I can’t even get out of bed, always crying, completely fucked up and broken. Spring is my time when my head is completely clear and everything is easier, I’m more fun and outgoing, more flirtatious, more of everything I started out being. Needless to say spring is my season and I’m really excited that it’s here, well it’s here in my mind at least.

* Good News.*

My dear friend Cody will be back for five days starting this Thursday, I plan on seeing this silly bitch as soon as possible. This might be the last time I get the chance to see him before he gets shipped out with the rest of the retarded marines for a year, god I’m going to miss that kid. Don’t be surprised if I’m randomly unhappy next week, it’s expected from me.

* It’s just one of those things you have to do every now and then when something big happens in your life, like a Grammy or a soup award.*

Special shout out to…

Sean because he’s my best friend, yep now the whole blogger world knows of this.

Alex Fucking Mason because he’s my twin and I love him more than I love myself, he’s doing a better job of being me than I am sometimes.

To Sisser/Kiki because she’s my sisser and I think it’s funny how she dated her half brother (not really) without even realizing it and thinking Curtis is fucking gorgeous, which he is.

Danielle because she’s been there for me through so much lately and it’s crazy, I never thought I’d be able to go to her with anything but I can and it gives me so much comfort and happiness that it hurts a little in my eyes, yeah I’m tearing up fuck off.

To Lochlan because he’s a dick and he helped me realize that if someone’s left you before they’re bound to do it again regardless of how right it all seems at the time.

Josh because no matter what I do, no matter how much I fuck up, he still loves me and it’s amazing even if I don’t know if I’m exactly ready right now.

To Eric because he helped me realize when to just give up, even if I don’t want to.

To Nikki because he supports me in everything I do even though he doesn’t know me, I know he’ll always be right behind me (not a gay joke, though it is pretty funny).

Hayden because I can call him at any hour and know he’ll pick up and understand everything I say no matter how much I’m crying, no matter how fucked up everything is.

…I think that’s it for now, everyone who has really affected my life in a good way lately.