i didnt take a nap today yet my room is still a mess and i have a headache. i watched tv and sat on my computer all night, read blogs, the normal stuff. somewhere along the line i told ben something i shouldnt have, and he got mad... typical ben. i should have known better but i guess i didnt, he was always there for me in the past but i should know that he's not there when im dating someone ever. not with lochlan, ryan, anyone. he told some people the all mighty secret so i told luc considering it was his secret too, he wasnt mad he was annoyed, thats better than being angry. i dont understand how hes so cool with all the shit i do accidentally that would normally fuck everything up. im trying so hard not to fuck things up, thats the worst part, we agree that i suck at life. i guess i could stop trying so hard and be more chill about everything or try harder not to let all the dominoes fall just because i tipped one over. who knows.
so ben hates me, nothing too new, i cant guarantee he'll be back, but i expect it sooner but most likely later. i dont meant to upset him or hurt him, but i do have my own fucking life and he needs to get the fuck over it. i keep jumping all over this, paris helped a bit... a lot, i was freaking out so badly. gah im a dumb ass.
i spent a lot of time talking to luc about other things, to paris about other things, talked to ben for a whole 2 messages. texting people, nothing really too much.
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