I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not getting Luc back. i mean he doesn't like me and as much as i wish i could change that i don't think i can. I'm trying to give him space, not talk to him often, let him do what he wants when it comes to our conversations. i want to talk and i want to tell him not to stop texting me but it just seems so pointless, i mean he never even stayed when we were dating. i would settle for friends with benefits because at least id feel like i still meant something to him, but i wouldn't mean anything to him because I've been down that road with other guys. i don't compare to the girls hes been with and i know I'm nothing like them, I'm sure that if i was it'd be different but its not and i cant change to be them. i can stop being a bitch, i can stop being more dramatic than needed, i can stop being clingy and needy when it isn't the right time, and i can definitely stop being so annoying and chill the fuck out. I'm not thinking hard about this anymore because I'm sick of getting stressed out, its one of my new things... try in school, don't get stressed, control my anger/bitchiness, and stop being so damn pathetic all the time because it annoys everyone even myself. anyhow, this is what i have to offer, he can take it or leave it i guess.
talking to Taylor, I'm becoming more confused every second. he says he still likes me which is insane because i thought the thing between me and him was over last summer. he was so busy with school and work, i mean it was so difficult. i don't know if id be able to date him, id never see him and that would not go by well. plus id never be able to trust him because he is so much older and he is in collage and does have a life. another thing, i don't like short guys that much at all, and I'm tall for a chick so that takes out half the people i know. Taylor is 5'7" I'm 5'9" i don't enjoy this idea, then again we have known each other for the past three years and I'm sure i could get past it, fuck who knows.
josh, ugh josh. i know you think you love me but you don't. you have so much more ahead of you, boot camp in march, turning 19 just before. there will be girls and parties and things i know i wont be able to handle. you piss me off too much and i know it wouldn't work out, you're one of my best friends and i hate the fact i cant tell you things because i worry about hurting you, it shouldn't be like this. where we are now, hanging out and talking about stupid random things, is where we're going to stay, friends.
i could keep going down the list, but i don't feel like it right now.
maybe another time.
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