what. the. fuck.

i dont want to have friends, and i dont want to have people who pretend to be friends, i dont want anything anymore. since its completely impossible for my best friend to ever hang out with me i quit. i mean why should i try? she only comes over when theres drugs and alcohol. i love her to death but what am i supposed to do? she says next week, but yesterday she said today. crying doesnt help anything but i cant do anything else. i fucking miss my best friend, i hate having to share her with thousands of other people. part of me thinks i need to leave her, a clean break without drama, i mean she wont notice anyway. i just dont want to i really dont.

its not just lauren, its tyler, and jake, and every single person i used to hang out with last year. since the beginning of the summer everything has been 100% fucked up, i thought it was just because i hadnt seen anyone, but now that im back i know its something else completely. i want to know whats going on. i dont want to keep making all new friends, if i wanted that id have went to central. im sick of this.

i need to move out, i need money so i can do it, but i need to get the fuck out of here. i hate this family and i dont want to see them again. i just want to get out. and what the fuck is up with my poll, people would date me? then why the hell arent they? i dont necessarily need to date anyone but there are people i like... whatever. why do i even care? im done witht his bubble. call my piece of shit phone. i cant text.