i am in such a horrible fucking mood.

honestly ben, if you want out of my life so bad get the fuck out. im not saying i wont attempt to bring you back, im not saying it wont hurt me, all i am saying is im not going to force you to stay and do something you dont want to do. im sick of having the same conversations with you, you freak out about one thing over and over and i freak out about another over and over. all i said was back off, back off as in this does not involve me you and luc, this involves me and luc and i dont want your continusly changing imput. first you say hes a douche, then you decide hes great and i shouldnt let him get away. i never listen to you when you tell me what to do so why say anything? im trying to have my own thing here, with every guy you tell me what to do. luc, lochlan, ryan, dakota, mason, everyone, ive told you what to do one time... that does not compair to everything youve done. sure i get jealous when other people sit on you and such, but you get the same way with me, and i never get jealous while dating someone. when i ask for help with something like this i'll ask, but that wont happen so all i want is for you to back off when it comes to this sort of thing.

josh, stop pissing me off. you know i dont want you to go to fucking boot camp and that i dont want to talk about it. you know i hate this whole situation so stop bringing it up, and when i ask you to stop being such a douche and freaking me out about something im losing two friends to, do it. i lost cody and that was enough, you know i can barely handle that, you also know losing you is going to drive me completely fucking insane. i dont want to think about this ever, i dont just want you to be gone one day, but i have a general idea to when youre leaving so i dont need to keep hearing the same months over and over again. i dont expect us to talk after you leave, but then again i didnt expect us to talk after you graduated either. you wont read this so it doesnt even matter. blah fuck you!